Need a Job? Listen Up.

Work in the Noble Field of Education in Hillsborough County, Florida,

Where the Emphasis Is on Excellence in Crony Hiring

Those interested in serving in the glorious occupation of administrative Pooh-bahs in education for the Hillsborough County School Board, heed ye the following:

1. Primary qualification: being a buddy, a supporter, a gofer, a sycophant, an ass-kisser or—let’s get down to street-level verisimilitude—a shameless brown-noser to Ms. Elia, superintendent, or chums with one of La Elia’s tax-paid sycophants now in the highest-level administrative jobs, not because of either education or grey matter but because they are nonstop flatterers of Ms. Elia;

2. Education requirement: don’t sweat it if you have the above sine qua non; in that magic circle, if you dropped out in the 8^th grade or even if you were kicked out for smoking pot in the john in the 9th, those will not present impediment if you are buddy, relative, or toady to the ROSSAC highest level Gestapo stormtrooper, Ms. Elia.

In fact, if you got kicked out in junior high for a felony, your being close kin to Linda Kipley or Jack Davis will get you a slot in the Highest of Highest with a guaranteed beginning salary of at least $140,000 per annum and opulent perquisites, not to mention a life-time supply courtesy of taxpayers of an endless quantity of bubble gum and Cracker Jacks.

3. If you can make your subjects and verbs agree and have the slightest knowledge of where to put commas, give up now or disguise these skills. Those accomplishments will turn the superintendent off to your getting the job since La Elia has no idea about such useless information as the accoutrements of literacy in the education racket. She is savvy only about The Spring, which will up the student numbers on which depend her "performance" bonus.

4. If you happen to have married Ms. Linda Kipley and are therefore entitled to the proud soubriquet of Mr. Linda Kipley, you will roll over all competition, even those with Ph.D.s from Harvard in philosophy and nuclear science with minors in intergalactic Frisbee.

Send your application to Mr. Linda Kipley at his temporary official address of the Tampa Hilton Honeymoon Suite while he awaits his permanent digs: a new penthouse floor attached to the ROSSAC Palace, in which he and his spouse dispute who gets the poshest part, where a skylight spreads across the movie and pool room to admit the planetary bodies not to mention all the output of the pigeon poopers who have proprietary dibs on the atmosphere over ROSSAC.

Call for more information: 810-Mr. Linda Kipley. Or leave your application in a pumpkin on the northeast side of the parking lot, whose mouth slot contain the tear-off slogan “Property of Mr. Linda Kipley, now on a glide track to the superintendency, at which point he will shuck his old wife, La Linda, for a new model from amongst the hordes of young women school-board stenos with a favorable hip-to-waist ratio who appeal to guys who dump the faithful wife who has maneuvered their success in the education racket into high gear in Hillsborough County, Florida.